Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Don’t Torture Your Tech

I was at a performance for one of my children the other day and I saw some woman whip out some giant pink tablet that looked like it was stolen from a local preschool. It was pink, with a big handle and just gnarly, and she was waving that thing all over the place trying to get a picture of her kids performance.   It had a Polaroid logo, and that kinda made sense since Polaroid has gone bankrupt and is justly out of business. Because anyone who came up with this thing must, by laws of God and Man, go out of business. 

The monstrosity is shown below:

Really?  Are you kidding me?   I’m like, you better return that before Steve notices its missing from the Blue’s Clues set.    But upon Googling to troll anyone who bought this abomination,  to find out what dark corner of techdom this slithered out of, I came to find that it wasn't a tablet at all, but a case.  An Ipad Case. 

So let me get this straight. 

You’re going to take this $500 dollar beauty that Steve Jobs probably put more love into than his own children...                            
Gorgeous...aren't I? 

And you’re going to put it into this:

No no no no no no noooooooooooooooo!

I understand the desire to protect a precious piece of technology. I really do.  Kids are bad for tech…they are.  But its just wrong, and if you going to insist on doing it, do not bring it out of the house to a public event.  This is why God invented the emotion of shame.  Keep it home. Or buy your kid something cheaper.  

Of course this habit of putting an offensive carapace over our high end designed items ins't exclusive to Apple. Here's super sleek HTC One.  I'd live inside this phone if i could... 


Then you go and do this...

Non Compos Mentis

I mean, is deer or a pheasant vision so acute that it can peg good design from 100 yards? 

"WOAH dude, you almost had me but that slick HTC One really got my attention.  You should wrap that sucker in a Otter Case."  

Not going to happen.   And what about carbon fiber?   Boeing makes 787 WINGS out of carbon fiber...are you going to fly your phone home?  Use it to shield yourself from bullets? Use it as a Captian America shield? 

Phones are tougher than they used to be, and so are tablets.  And you replace them every few years anyway.  So seriously people - stop wrapping your tech in bullet-proof carbon fiber vomit-inducing pink coffins and set them free!

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